Now playing:

Cheryl Cole - Parachute

Here I am, once again, after such a long I am here.
Honestly I don't know what I'm here for, I can't get to sleep now. I'm awake with the pain of staying awake with lethargy that I could not sleep with. Along with chest pains and gastric pains.
Today my doctor told me that I should not lose anymore weight, but I guess at this rate..

I hate being jolted back to reality from sleep every morning. Why do I feel or see sunrise, why must I be awaken? Tell me why I've fallen out of love with life again. Tell me why am I me. Tell me who what am I.


And I especially hate it when..my tears run dry, when the heart yearns to cry.

So this is how terrible feels like:

Having so much to feel, yet articulation fails.

It all seems pretty easy nowadays to forget this place where I used to pour out my thoughts and all. It's also pretty amazing how I didn't touch this blog at all for the whole of January, 'cause it's like the New Year's month. Guess things really do change, and I really do change as well.
Today's the third day of Chinese New Year, and I've just counted the money I've collected this year. The amount is nothing like many of my friends' where they get hundreds and hundreds of dollars, but I'm contented all the same because nothing beats the time I can get together and catch up with my beloved cousins and all.
I guess I'm a happier person now..though at times I can be pretty melancholic with some unpleasant thoughts still lingering, the overall measurement of happiness is generally higher than before, so yes, be happy for me.
And most certainly, I hope everyone's happy, or even happier. I hope you're doing fine.

Happy Chinese New Year to all!!! :)

It is officially the last day of 2010 and it's been a long time since I've last updated. Well I guess I hadn't had much mood to be thinking and talking about things like before, guess things have changed to the point where I chose to let things be unspoken. But well, I think there should be some turning point in the year 2011. For the better, I hope. Much as 2010 is considered "wasted" because I've ended up having to do one more year of JC1, but I think it could be a blessing in disguise because seriously, I can't imagine SYF in my JC2 year. I can die.

Let's just hope everything turns out for the better and I hope I'll be able to show more of my straight teeth (I've got my dad to thank) and less of tears. And oh yes, more bears please!!! I love my bear. Yay.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone (though I know no one really comes here to read anymore)! Have a blast :)

And Happy Birthday to whoever's having their birthdays.

Joan

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Dear Blog,

It is almost certain, that I've abandoned you. I haven't been speaking to you for months, and I admit I have quite forgotten you in my surge for success, happiness. I haven't had time nor breathing space to be thinking about you at all. I haven't been speaking like how I used to speak to you back when I was in my secondary school days. Or what I call, my Heydays.

Technically speaking, I shouldn't be remembering you at all even now, much less speaking to you, because of the things I have to attend to in my life that's sapping all the energy from me. But today, somehow something whispered to me "Hey, you still have someone there to hear you speak. It's right there, Ordinarilylived is there for you. It's there for you to help you maintain your sanity"

It is not to say that I'm losing my sanity, or I have lost my sanity..well, there were days I guess, I could feel everything whirling in my head, swaying me, perplexing my heart, my soul, my mind. I could feel myself going mad. I could feel myself hating things I should not be hating, falling out of love with life that I wished I was never born. That I was better off evanescent. I don't feel like I belong to this world.

Perhaps I might be sounding narcissistic in talking about "me" and "I" all the time. So sickening to be hearing me speak eh? LOL.



********
But guess what? I'm strong. No matter what come may, I am strong.
I tell this to myself that strong is my middle name and I shall not falter again. It is almost certain that I am a retainee, but no, I won't fall. Though the thought of leaving 10A03 is disheartening, I guess there has to be some price that I've to pay for what I've erred in my entire year. There has gotta be some compromise. And compromises? I have made too many. I can't afford to commit the same old mistakes anymore, not anymore.
And God shall lead me through wherever I am, He shall be in my life. I don't speak of Him to anyone else, but I speak to Him. Well I thank Him for giving me a strong mind, and for being with me through it all, even though at times I forget you. Forgive me, no one forgives as well as you do.


No more tears, no, I never had tears. Only water from my eyes.